I still do depend on you

What a wonderful day, but yet...it's one of the saddest in my life.

I'll try to deal with it.
It won't help though because love is the end.

Just nothing really

I don't have anything to write about and by writing that I obviously have something on my mind? Maybe. Maybe not.

So...uhm, I'm thinking about this whole love thing. And I don't know if I ever want a relationship for real? Am I weird? I mean...in some way everyone has always known that. Or am I too young to know that? Hm, better not waste my time on that subject, but I keep doing it anyway. Maybe I've given away my life to art or something.

I feel like taking a walk with my camera in my hand. Maybe tomorrow? Some time before I go to the Titanic exhibition. I should go look for my SL-card.

We might as well be strangers

Do you ever feel how little you mean to someone that means a lot to you?
Sometimes it's better when you don't know that. That way things can stay the same.
Maybe friends aren't supposed to last forever?
At least...that's how it seems.

I got home...

...and found a wonderful surprise on the drawer in the hall! A letter from Sheffield and Angelica :D
Woho!

So the day has so far been chill...wait, who am I kidding? I've been trying my best to avoid Enes. I know I have to face him some day since he is my class teacher and teaches us in a lot of our subjects. So I guess I'm sort of running away, but I'm not really up to talking to him right now. It will ruin my entire day. He almost spotted me at lunch but thank God for that pillar. That way he couldn't see me xD I know he will kill me.
I'll keep a low profile until after the break.
Finally! It's friday tomorrow and my gigs-to-attend-list keeps getting longer. That's nice.

Now I'm going to write that essay for Swedish! I love it!

Life is so wonderful. I don't know why, but hey, It's ok for me if it is! I just feel happy. I overslept today, turns out the lesson was cancelled so that was a perfect timing. It kinda sucks that I was on my way to school already...haha. So I'm chillin out. Thinking about life and that hiddeous picture of me a Michely on our school website. I hate it! As soon as I can I will beg Lena to erase it.
...

I can't keep myself away...

...from my blog T.T
It's really silly. But anyway!

Oh I don't know what to do! I'm going crazy about this guy and I haven't seen him for days which only makes it worse! He's so lovely and what am I? He totally outshines me T.T
Ugh, I hate that I love him. It's not my fault, I blame him for doing this. He started it. If he only would have kept his mouth shut and never started talking to me I'd be perfectly fine now.

...*edit*

Haha, I'm back and he's back in my freaking heart again! I was just playing some guitar and boom. This is riddicolous...I'm not even pretty enough for him so who am I trying to fool?

No more regrets.

Yes. I just decided to go for it! When it comes to everything. Didn't I already do that this summer? I think I forgot to follow my words after a while so it's good I came to think of it again.

I think it's good...because I hate that feeling of regret! It's so intense and frustrating and so...I don't like it at all. Either you win or lose and that losing part isn't very fun.
What's life without a little risk? Little? Oh no, a lot of risk...I passed that little risk when I was born.


So hello hello and good bye.

Bromma vs. Blackan

Yesterday was awesome. The girls team lost. The game wasn't that intense, but the guys had one hell of a match. It was super fun to watch and cheer along. Our chants were very ineresting and some crazy hardrock or emo guy from Balckeberg went over to our side for some fight. What was his problem? I though he was joking at first, but then he just started to hit people. Dude, it's no as if it's a matter of life and death. What a meanie.
Well, here are som pics :P

The school preparing for the march to the sub! Haha, lol at the supporter's chant x'D

Look what droped down on us o.O

And so the girls began to play :)

and people were jumping around...then we were told to stop it or the platform would collapse...

and then the guys started to play...

and they were kicking Blackeberg's asses...

wow, how charming...

hi? xD

We were freaking out...ahhh!

And Bromma won!!! :DDD Awesome.

Trallalalala.

I think I'll head for school now. We're just going to have PE and then the whole school will take the train to somewhere to watch the baskeball game between our school and Blackeberg. Woho! I love watching baskeball games :) Haha, I think it's in my pinoy blood or something and I haven't seen a game for what seems like a lifetime! Gosh.
Well anyway, I wonder how we'll manage to get there...I mean, an entire school? We're like 500 students? I was told we were 700 my first year, butI don't know. 700 is like...huge.
So, I gotta go.
I think we're going to play some volleyball! I used to be good. Now I just suck I think xD But who knows! Maybe the force is with me today!

I found an apple in my bag

There! Almost 24 hours has gone :D
I don't even feel tierd? So weird, but hey, I'm not complaining. The fact that there was no time for lunch though, that's pretty uncool.
The presentation went super well. What a relief. I was breathing deeply for minutes while my classmate had his presentation. And he didn't really make it any easier for me! His voice was shakey and all that stuff that makes me nervous. I held my hand over my chest to see if my heart was beating normaly. I couldn't tell. But it all went perfectly fine after I've convinced myself that I knew everything about the subject. Gah.

And the right after that I had to rush to the test in nature science. I had a little time to review my notes and then bam. I was finished! And that means the dread of day is over!

And I found an apple in my bag! I'm so very happy! What a blessing xD

Totally disco.

Stuck in the magic number

I long for time to just fly away until the end of the day tomorrow. Because then I'll be sleeping in our dusty car on my way home to my couch and dreams I actually have time to dream.

3 is the magic number. 3 hours of sleep and I will make.

Oh, 747...

*sigh*

I keep sighing all the time. I hate each time I have to do things I don't want to do and don't need in life because it always makes me think of one certain question: What am I supposed to do with my life but to live it?
I feel so very heavy. What if I never reach my dreams? I sound so pessimistic. But I'm slightly panicked. This is pure confusion and some sort of search for something...I don't know what.

I HATE this feeling. Because it makes me want to sit down on the floor and just sit there ignoring everyone around me. I wonder what they think of when I do that?

But hey. 24 hours, and then it's over. Right? I guess I just have to straighten up.

xoxo

Heya!

Yesterday I spoke to Angelica on skype :D Woho!
I love skype. Someone should give the creators behind it a Nobel Prize.
Ugh, sunday.
Oh the dread of what tomorrow will bring! But love springs from it too. Though, not until after school. I love my drama group <3 I've planned out some sort of time limit for me to finish each thing today. I usually do that when I realize I'm up to no good. And this is really not good. It breaks me down. I hate presentations. But maybe it's just because I loathe it so much that makes it feel difficult? I should try a new strategy...try to love it. Act as if it's just a new script I should learn.

And about that boy! I've decided to take it super casual. Sort of ignore the whole thing and see what he's really up to. Because this is strange!

xoxo

Concentrate. Oh yeah!

I can feel it. How the inspiration of actually concentrating and studying overflows me! Oh my!

I was being sarcastic. As if to trick myself into actually being concentrated, you know.
What should I do!?!
Argh! >.<

I so look for the autumn school brake. Muse. The Titanic Exhibition. Some underground music gig. Work. I just want this coming week to pass by without pain and tierdness, but I know that's just something I wish and not at all close to reality.
Oh, and another thing! Autumn brake also equals talking to Angelica on skype, for hours! :D
Totally disco.

xoxo

Winter Sun

No, it's not winter and there is no sun.

But I wrote a poem/song called Vintersol, wich means Winter Sun, and yeah, it's in Swedish.
And I wrote one yesterday too! In English though. It's not quite finished yet. I keep writing when I'm supposed to study for all these tests next week and prepare my presentation. I know nothing about everything, or so it feels.
Oh, and another thing. Screw love. I hate it!
He has messed up my mind now that I need to concentrate. I keep thinking about it all and I really don't have time for that. Seriously. Perhaps things were better they way they were before he decided to speak to me. It's actually quite irritating. I want to talk to someone about it so my mind can get more clear.
Dad? No. He can't handle this kind of stuff. My brother? No. He's not talking to me at the moment and besides, I would neve talk about this with him. Mom? Hell no. She made it clear this week that she never wants to hear about how I feel. Not that she has ever listened anyway. It's easy to tell becasue from time to time after I've said something to her I ask "What did I just say?" and she never knows. It's like I'm just talking to myself. Maybe I should do that? Sort of reflect the situation for myself. Deal out the cards...
The cards! Of course, why didn't I think of that earlier!

xoxo

"You're like an Indian summer in the middle of a winter..."

Oh God, oh God, oh God! I'm freaking out!
Long story, but anyway...I've always had this little crush on this certain guy for like...a long time. But I mean, usually you know what your chances are to even get close to someone, and mine were minimum. So I just kept it as a secret. Thinking of his perfect face and being a silly little girl.
The thing is...after years...he's talking to me! Now that's really odd. And I keep answering the questions he ask in such a weird way. The wrong way. The what-do-you-want way. The second after I've uttered anything to him I always I have this inner fight were I get so mad at myself for being so stupid. Why did I say that? is all I'm thinking and What's my freaking problem?
I explode inside, while pretending to be casual. I'm such a dork.
A happy dork, though. I wish I had Angelica here with me so we could be dorks together. I'm still saving for England.
Anyway, so this guy, he's adorable. And this can't just be a random thing, right? Or maybe it is. But how come he knows something about me that he wouldn't be able to know if he didn't like me? Ok, weird sentence, but I can't put up it here. It might be way too obvious if he sort of get hold of my blog! I would never be able to face him again.
Again, the thing is that no one would ever ask you those questions just because. There's some sort of purpose behind it, especially when this is the first time that he's actually talking to me?

xoxo

Hide and seek.

So. I just watched the swedish version of Idol. I love Tove. I'm not really a fan of Calle, but he sung Destiny Calling by Melody Club and I just love that song. It's my all time favorite MC-song and he did well. I remember the first time I heard that song. Melody Club's second album just got released and so I went for their signing at Bengas. And a signing there often means a mini-gig too! Lovely days. I miss that time. I love my life now, but I no longer have those friends I once used to have. I miss them. I don't know...I feel so stupid and naive. I should just stop bothering them by asking if they want to hang out by the café or something. I mean, who am I kidding? I guess they don't need me as much as I need them...or miss me as much I miss them. Maybe it's just about time for me to realize that. Like I said. Navie and stupid with foolish eyes. I just...hate myself for being like this.

xoxo...

Lalaland

Pretty solid day. I only had one lesson and I happen to love the subject. It's Swedish <3 And we talk about cool stuff like Shakespeare, literature, kulture and lots of other amazing things. Dad picked me up with Randy so we could go to Panduro and get some paint and locks. I miss having enough time for lookbooking :c And I miss lookbook, so I posted a new look! I love lookbook <3 Not that I'm active really since I've got no time, but I really really love that site <3

(look I posted on lookbook)

Right, I have to go fix my Green Day banner for sunday <3

xoxo

Haha :D

I just wrote a song while dad went out for a walk with our dog :P
I don't know...it's a bit funny...I won't share xD
Well at least not now :)

I'm kinda proud of myself in the way that even though everything is crap...I'm happy about life. So what if I feel close to sucidal...that doesn't make everything else bad...and that's a feeling you can't just be too serious about really. Ice-cream will still be yum, pianos will still call me and music will still make me dance on the streets <3

Woho! PEACE OUT!:D <3

You suck!

It's not as if I have any pilot ambitions left. I confronted my teacher, but when I turned away I just couldn't remember what I got out of it? And I think it's because I don't really care of what he says. It just doesn't matter what I do. Even if I do try to make peace and I really want to, but it doesn't work. I try my hardest. I listen carefully at class, I've done mostly well at tests, I've never been late...I know I can't be that wrong. He's got no freaking reason for being so mean. This is not like "Freaky Friday"...the one with Lindsay Lohan. Really, there's nothing I can do. I'm fed up with this shit.
I hope Santa won't give him any presents this year :C
(whoa, I don't really know about that...I can't wish anyone that! I mean, that's pretty mean...God I'm so lame T.T' I fail at being mean.)

Real men take baths together!

They sure are REAL men! <3
Haha, love it!

This is not what I would call a lovely day.

I'm so tierd. I've had a fucked up day. First, the train doesn't work...leaving me in a situation of panic. Why panic? Because I was supposed to be outside school exactly at 7 am. EXACTLY! If you're late, well, buhu. Nobody cares if you would have been on time and that you got up at 5 am just so that you would be ready.
See, I had this fieldtrip to Linköping with my class today...well I didn't actually, since I obviously missed the buss with what? Three minutes? Come on! And it wasn't my fault...stupid train. I know it's not my teachers fault that I was late and it's not mine either...but they could've waited. I'm always on time and they know that so...they should've figured out that something wasn't quite right. I know everybody's just thinking that I'm ignorant. That I don't care. That I'm some sort of rebel for no reason but lack of inteligence. But I'm not. And even if I've been acting like a rebel it's beacuse I've had good reasons. I've been going against a lot of things, but I'm not stupid and ignorant.
And then on my way back home I had to take the bus since the trains were fucked...and that takes a lot longer...and of course it was late.

But I was kinda happy when I got home. I ate pie, watched Gossip Girl and played some piano and guitar.

And then mom got home...ruining everything. Yelling and complaining. Bringing down my hippie-aura with hers. I hate when she does that. I just want to be happy and I keep telling her that but she's like "You can't be like that! Blahblahblah...!"
Why not? Why can't you be happy about life? I know the sun can't shine all the time and I'm glad it doesn't. In fact, I'm thankful for being depressed! But anger...I just...don't like it. You know, chill.

I'm going to bed now. Sweet dreams.

I keep falling for T's and M's

Yeah, I just thought about it :o

Haha, wierd girl.

Oh, and also! I'm getting a uke soon! I've wanted one for way too long and I'm as usually going to work during the school breaks so I mean, I can afford one. They're not that expensive, but still very awesome :D

Peace <3

Noah and the Whale heading for Sweden! :'D

Just as I thought I was out of happy pills for the day another one came crashing to my heart! :D
Why? Because Noah and the Whale are coming to Sweden! To Stockholm (and Gothenburg, but that's rather far).

Of course I'm going! They'll be playing in Debaser and I happen to love that place...uhm, though I've never been to a gig there xD

This is so awesome I can't believe it! I was jumping around like a monkey, all crazy, but I had to keep it down since I've already accidentally scared mom because of my happyness today. Lol.

I don't know what to doooo!!! I mean, I do know, but still...I don't! It's crazy.

Long time No see, my love <3

I was just wondering when Kent's new album would be released. I've been waiting for so long ever since they went to Berlin and now...a new single! :'D
It's called "Töntarna", in english it means "The dorks" and I love it!
Wonderful. I just can't wait for more!

(the new single)

And as I write this I hear "Längesen vi sågs" = "Long time No see".
One of my favorite songs. Especially the part where Jocke sings Vi vände oss mot kameran och log = We turned to the camera and smiled.
Sad, though, but it's so beautiful.

(the new album cover!!!)

I'm so excited about it all. I must go to a concert next year when their tour starts...my heart has been craving for it. My entire SOUL has been craving for it.

This is another post of nothing really, but I felt like writing...so I did!

I'm all restless. I've cleaned up a bit, read a book...I'm thinking of taking a shower and do all those homeworks I've got to do. It's super nice outside. Autumn. I've got that familiar autumn-feeling in me now. The nice one with the sun shining and all the wonderful warm colors around me. Maybe I should go for a walk? Hmm...yeah :D
Anyway, my brother passed all the tests so now he's got a drivers license!!! Flawless! I'm so proud of him :D

So...very...close!

Ok.


I'm seriously DYING over here. Green Day...*hyperventilating*...just a few more days! THIS IS SO FREAKY! My brother and I have been waiting for so so sooooo very long! It's insane! I can't really take it in, you know. Whoa.


AHHHHHHHHH!

Book: The Hunger Games

Awesome. Read it.

Time for something better

I'm soon heading to Täby for some awesomeness in this dull situation. Great! Really...
So I gonna go pack my stuff, get some socks and BAM! To infinity and Beyond (the Iron Sea)!!!
Yeah, about that last part...well, I had to xD <3
Haha, I love that fact that everything I say and do always have something with Keane or any of my favorite bands and stuff related to them. Like, how I end sentences. For example: If I say "I'm lost!" a second later I would add "...in the sun!" :D
Lost in the sun, from Sunshine <3

Ok, I really have to go xD

Cheeeeeeeers!

//Rosie

Happy ending, please...?

God...I keep worrying about my family in the Philippines. Grandfather refuses to get the mud and shit cleaned out. The reason: a new, even stronger hurricane is coming. So I do understand him in that matter, but he also refuses to go with my uncle for better shelter. Silly old man! Damn it, you can't swim and the water might just crash over you anytime now. Why, oh why?
Why is he doing this to us? The place where we live is already the most vulnerabe part of the country right now and the man doesn't even bother. He's being very...I don't know. I know there's nothing I actually can do...
I'm just so frustrated and torn and sad and...what am I?
And then it just turns out that everyone's not ok after all. One of my uncles is missing.
Why is it that the bad things happen all at the same time? I want this to be over. Everything's ruined. There you go you stupid hurricane, you've taken it all. Leave.
I'll just...pray and pray and pray. For everyone over there and for people here. I hate this. It's horrible. I hope this soon will be over and that the end will be happy, not just for my family, but for everyone. For the ones close to me, my friend, her family and her father.
This is such a deep cut. I want it to heal. It feels like someone's taking my breath away and ripping out my heart.

// Rosie