Monday, 7 December 2009
Sunday, 6 December 2009
And you just brought me back to what I left because of the things that hurt.
I saw you beautiful and eager,
turning your head to make the view clear,
to see if it was me you caught.
The place was so crowded.
It's amazing you saw me and I you.
But I'm not surprised.
Isn't that what we used to do?
Finding each other for better or worse.
And how did we ever get to this?
I know now that this is how things will end.
We can't be lovers, and you can't be my friend.
Friday, 4 December 2009
One
And a young person isn't supposed to feel this way.
And it's like my very own shadow is avoiding me.
Whatever that might be.
Who promised me to give me more than this?
No one?
I guess I did myself.
And this is just another phase of the complete nonsense stuck in my brain.
Some sort of reflecion, but of what I don't know.
Sunday, 29 November 2009
Sometimes you just have to give up what you love.
Yes, I guess you just have to give up what you love to get somewhere. I don't really know if I'm ready, but then again, I might as well just do it. The sooner the better and the sooner I can return.
Sunday, 8 November 2009
When I grow up
Tuesday, 3 November 2009
Fuck it
But since it doesn't hurt anyone, who cares? It's harmless.
Anyway, fuck it. Yup. That's what I think. I can't explain stuff here.
Monday, 2 November 2009
Good Morning Cyberspace
I'm not keen on going back to school. Last week just past by like one of those moments when I miss the train.
Sunday, 1 November 2009
Surviving the Charade (pics, 30/10-09)
I'm still feeling a bit lalala about these pics...I'm so out of training! I've got to tighten up, seriously. I hope it goes better the next time with some Arm the Penguins.
So anyway...tada?
And now...be patient
So. Here's some of RTR. It was the first time I heard them actually, but I really liked them.
Pretty solid
I spent the day in Täby with the one and only Angelica. Before that I got some new jeans...since I've messed up to many of my old ones now. That's what you get when you live life like I do xD
I'll make a pair of shorts with one of my old jeans. Yeah.
I've also been looking through the pictures I took this friday. The ones from the gig :P
And I deleted my super old myspace account x.x'
But it was like full of crap. I'll get a new one as soon as possible though. I love myspace <3
Ugh, unholy spotify...I hate when Basshunter turns up >.<
xoxo
Saturday, 31 October 2009
I still do depend on you
I'll try to deal with it.
It won't help though because love is the end.
Wednesday, 28 October 2009
Just nothing really
So...uhm, I'm thinking about this whole love thing. And I don't know if I ever want a relationship for real? Am I weird? I mean...in some way everyone has always known that. Or am I too young to know that? Hm, better not waste my time on that subject, but I keep doing it anyway. Maybe I've given away my life to art or something.
I feel like taking a walk with my camera in my hand. Maybe tomorrow? Some time before I go to the Titanic exhibition. I should go look for my SL-card.
Tuesday, 27 October 2009
We might as well be strangers
Sometimes it's better when you don't know that. That way things can stay the same.
Maybe friends aren't supposed to last forever?
At least...that's how it seems.
Thursday, 22 October 2009
I got home...
Woho!
So the day has so far been chill...wait, who am I kidding? I've been trying my best to avoid Enes. I know I have to face him some day since he is my class teacher and teaches us in a lot of our subjects. So I guess I'm sort of running away, but I'm not really up to talking to him right now. It will ruin my entire day. He almost spotted me at lunch but thank God for that pillar. That way he couldn't see me xD I know he will kill me.
I'll keep a low profile until after the break.
Finally! It's friday tomorrow and my gigs-to-attend-list keeps getting longer. That's nice.
Now I'm going to write that essay for Swedish! I love it!
...
Wednesday, 21 October 2009
I can't keep myself away...
It's really silly. But anyway!
Oh I don't know what to do! I'm going crazy about this guy and I haven't seen him for days which only makes it worse! He's so lovely and what am I? He totally outshines me T.T
Ugh, I hate that I love him. It's not my fault, I blame him for doing this. He started it. If he only would have kept his mouth shut and never started talking to me I'd be perfectly fine now.
...*edit*
Haha, I'm back and he's back in my freaking heart again! I was just playing some guitar and boom. This is riddicolous...I'm not even pretty enough for him so who am I trying to fool?
No more regrets.
I think it's good...because I hate that feeling of regret! It's so intense and frustrating and so...I don't like it at all. Either you win or lose and that losing part isn't very fun.
What's life without a little risk? Little? Oh no, a lot of risk...I passed that little risk when I was born.
So hello hello and good bye.
Bromma vs. Blackan
Well, here are som pics :P
Tuesday, 20 October 2009
Trallalalala.
Well anyway, I wonder how we'll manage to get there...I mean, an entire school? We're like 500 students? I was told we were 700 my first year, butI don't know. 700 is like...huge.
So, I gotta go.
I think we're going to play some volleyball! I used to be good. Now I just suck I think xD But who knows! Maybe the force is with me today!
Monday, 19 October 2009
I found an apple in my bag
I don't even feel tierd? So weird, but hey, I'm not complaining. The fact that there was no time for lunch though, that's pretty uncool.
The presentation went super well. What a relief. I was breathing deeply for minutes while my classmate had his presentation. And he didn't really make it any easier for me! His voice was shakey and all that stuff that makes me nervous. I held my hand over my chest to see if my heart was beating normaly. I couldn't tell. But it all went perfectly fine after I've convinced myself that I knew everything about the subject. Gah.
And the right after that I had to rush to the test in nature science. I had a little time to review my notes and then bam. I was finished! And that means the dread of day is over!
And I found an apple in my bag! I'm so very happy! What a blessing xD
Totally disco.
Sunday, 18 October 2009
Stuck in the magic number
Oh, 747...
*sigh*
I feel so very heavy. What if I never reach my dreams? I sound so pessimistic. But I'm slightly panicked. This is pure confusion and some sort of search for something...I don't know what.
I HATE this feeling. Because it makes me want to sit down on the floor and just sit there ignoring everyone around me. I wonder what they think of when I do that?
But hey. 24 hours, and then it's over. Right? I guess I just have to straighten up.
xoxo
Heya!
I love skype. Someone should give the creators behind it a Nobel Prize.
Ugh, sunday.
Oh the dread of what tomorrow will bring! But love springs from it too. Though, not until after school. I love my drama group <3 I've planned out some sort of time limit for me to finish each thing today. I usually do that when I realize I'm up to no good. And this is really not good. It breaks me down. I hate presentations. But maybe it's just because I loathe it so much that makes it feel difficult? I should try a new strategy...try to love it. Act as if it's just a new script I should learn.
And about that boy! I've decided to take it super casual. Sort of ignore the whole thing and see what he's really up to. Because this is strange!
xoxo
Saturday, 17 October 2009
Concentrate. Oh yeah!
I was being sarcastic. As if to trick myself into actually being concentrated, you know.
What should I do!?!
Argh! >.<
I so look for the autumn school brake. Muse. The Titanic Exhibition. Some underground music gig. Work. I just want this coming week to pass by without pain and tierdness, but I know that's just something I wish and not at all close to reality.
Oh, and another thing! Autumn brake also equals talking to Angelica on skype, for hours! :D
Totally disco.
xoxo
Winter Sun
But I wrote a poem/song called Vintersol, wich means Winter Sun, and yeah, it's in Swedish.
And I wrote one yesterday too! In English though. It's not quite finished yet. I keep writing when I'm supposed to study for all these tests next week and prepare my presentation. I know nothing about everything, or so it feels.
Oh, and another thing. Screw love. I hate it!
He has messed up my mind now that I need to concentrate. I keep thinking about it all and I really don't have time for that. Seriously. Perhaps things were better they way they were before he decided to speak to me. It's actually quite irritating. I want to talk to someone about it so my mind can get more clear.
Dad? No. He can't handle this kind of stuff. My brother? No. He's not talking to me at the moment and besides, I would neve talk about this with him. Mom? Hell no. She made it clear this week that she never wants to hear about how I feel. Not that she has ever listened anyway. It's easy to tell becasue from time to time after I've said something to her I ask "What did I just say?" and she never knows. It's like I'm just talking to myself. Maybe I should do that? Sort of reflect the situation for myself. Deal out the cards...
The cards! Of course, why didn't I think of that earlier!
xoxo
Friday, 16 October 2009
"You're like an Indian summer in the middle of a winter..."
Long story, but anyway...I've always had this little crush on this certain guy for like...a long time. But I mean, usually you know what your chances are to even get close to someone, and mine were minimum. So I just kept it as a secret. Thinking of his perfect face and being a silly little girl.
The thing is...after years...he's talking to me! Now that's really odd. And I keep answering the questions he ask in such a weird way. The wrong way. The what-do-you-want way. The second after I've uttered anything to him I always I have this inner fight were I get so mad at myself for being so stupid. Why did I say that? is all I'm thinking and What's my freaking problem?
I explode inside, while pretending to be casual. I'm such a dork.
A happy dork, though. I wish I had Angelica here with me so we could be dorks together. I'm still saving for England.
Anyway, so this guy, he's adorable. And this can't just be a random thing, right? Or maybe it is. But how come he knows something about me that he wouldn't be able to know if he didn't like me? Ok, weird sentence, but I can't put up it here. It might be way too obvious if he sort of get hold of my blog! I would never be able to face him again.
Again, the thing is that no one would ever ask you those questions just because. There's some sort of purpose behind it, especially when this is the first time that he's actually talking to me?
xoxo
Friday, 9 October 2009
Hide and seek.
So. I just watched the swedish version of Idol. I love Tove. I'm not really a fan of Calle, but he sung Destiny Calling by Melody Club and I just love that song. It's my all time favorite MC-song and he did well. I remember the first time I heard that song. Melody Club's second album just got released and so I went for their signing at Bengas. And a signing there often means a mini-gig too! Lovely days. I miss that time. I love my life now, but I no longer have those friends I once used to have. I miss them. I don't know...I feel so stupid and naive. I should just stop bothering them by asking if they want to hang out by the café or something. I mean, who am I kidding? I guess they don't need me as much as I need them...or miss me as much I miss them. Maybe it's just about time for me to realize that. Like I said. Navie and stupid with foolish eyes. I just...hate myself for being like this.
xoxo...
Lalaland
(look I posted on lookbook)
Right, I have to go fix my Green Day banner for sunday <3
xoxo
Thursday, 8 October 2009
Haha :D
I don't know...it's a bit funny...I won't share xD
Well at least not now :)
I'm kinda proud of myself in the way that even though everything is crap...I'm happy about life. So what if I feel close to sucidal...that doesn't make everything else bad...and that's a feeling you can't just be too serious about really. Ice-cream will still be yum, pianos will still call me and music will still make me dance on the streets <3
Woho! PEACE OUT!:D <3
You suck!
I hope Santa won't give him any presents this year :C
(whoa, I don't really know about that...I can't wish anyone that! I mean, that's pretty mean...God I'm so lame T.T' I fail at being mean.)
Wednesday, 7 October 2009
This is not what I would call a lovely day.
See, I had this fieldtrip to Linköping with my class today...well I didn't actually, since I obviously missed the buss with what? Three minutes? Come on! And it wasn't my fault...stupid train. I know it's not my teachers fault that I was late and it's not mine either...but they could've waited. I'm always on time and they know that so...they should've figured out that something wasn't quite right. I know everybody's just thinking that I'm ignorant. That I don't care. That I'm some sort of rebel for no reason but lack of inteligence. But I'm not. And even if I've been acting like a rebel it's beacuse I've had good reasons. I've been going against a lot of things, but I'm not stupid and ignorant.
And then on my way back home I had to take the bus since the trains were fucked...and that takes a lot longer...and of course it was late.
But I was kinda happy when I got home. I ate pie, watched Gossip Girl and played some piano and guitar.
And then mom got home...ruining everything. Yelling and complaining. Bringing down my hippie-aura with hers. I hate when she does that. I just want to be happy and I keep telling her that but she's like "You can't be like that! Blahblahblah...!"
Why not? Why can't you be happy about life? I know the sun can't shine all the time and I'm glad it doesn't. In fact, I'm thankful for being depressed! But anger...I just...don't like it. You know, chill.
I'm going to bed now. Sweet dreams.
I keep falling for T's and M's
Yeah, I just thought about it :o
Haha, wierd girl.
Oh, and also! I'm getting a uke soon! I've wanted one for way too long and I'm as usually going to work during the school breaks so I mean, I can afford one. They're not that expensive, but still very awesome :D
Peace <3